Let’s Talk Domestic Violence…
Is it really COVID-inspired?
There are too many inequalities between men and women around the world, too many to count. A lot of them start out as the minuscule details of an individual’s life and then begin the downward spiral towards the horrors of the society we live in. Domestic violence is one of these horrors. More often than not, it starts as something trivial, like who’s in charge of making dinner. It then skyrockets into abuse in no time at all.
The United States Department of Justice defines domestic violence as, “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain control over another intimate partner.” It usually grows from a power dynamic that is unequal. One of the partners has become accustomed to getting his/her way, and when he/she doesn’t, it often ends in abuse. It should be noted that this abuse is not always physical, just like the scars left from the experiences. It can be mental, emotional, or sexual. Unfortunately, domestic violence doesn’t end with one household. The abusers are frequently from homes in which violence was a regular occurrence. Violence was their inheritance, something that they had the choice of either accepting or casting aside. And while some have decided to turn away from that shameful legacy, more often than not, that same violence becomes their reality. However, the reality that they’ve chosen soon becomes a nightmare someone else will be forced to live, the nightmare of the victim. The victims of abuse may suffer from any number of effects as a result of their experiences. Though they may be free of their abuser, they still must confront the hopelessness, depression, and in some cases, PTSD, that they could be facing. More often than not, abuse leaves physical marks too, like bruises and scars, as reminders of a life they didn’t choose but were forced to live.
Even before the pandemic, the domestic violence rates were alarmingly high. Despite the fact that the United States gives off the appearance of a progressive nation, the social construct is flawed. Extremely so. It’s this flawed social construct that gives way to the inequality in power dynamics in households with a man and a woman. Forced/coerced gender roles, the importance given for heterosexual male pleasure, and the disregard for female pleasure, the jaw-dropping wage gap, are just a few of many flaws, that have been ushered in by the cultural norms of the past and present.
A lot of the time, these topics have been disguised as answers to nonexistent problems, and the discussions were swept under the carpet. Whenever someone would bring these topics to light, they would be pushed back into the shadows, and condemned as being “indecent” or “too controversial”. These aspects of our lives that we were forced to forget and move on from have created an unhealthy relationship between so many men and women.
It’s this unhealthy power dynamic that has led to the surge in domestic violence rates during the pandemic. The COVID-19 virus has brought to life the epitome of mental health problems. This is likely due to the financial burdens, the lack of social interaction, and the stress that we all have been living through. Alongside this, with the children at home for school, there almost always needs to be one parent in charge of taking care of them. Due to the wage gap and many other factors (some of which are a direct result of the underlying patriarchy), the woman of the household is considered the best option for this undertaking. As the women in the house are constantly making one sacrifice after another, without a word, it is easy to take them for granted. This is what creates a lopsided distribution of authority in the household, which might eventually lead to abuse.
The pandemic, apart from putting women in danger of abuse, is also ruthlessly stripping away the means for victims to get help. Due to vital social-distancing and quarantine protocols, the victims are trapped with their abusers for most hours of the day. Not only does this prohibit their chance to call for help, but it also leaves them with no escape or safe space. Due to this, the victims of abuse during this time are at risk of suffering greater damages emotionally, psychologically, and in some cases physically.
The shelters for domestic abuse victims have also been thrown into a state of confusion. Policies prevent shelters from discriminating against the victims based on their medical records. However, this also prevents them from asking the victims whether they have a cough or a fever before letting them in. Because of this, there is no way to monitor the spread of the virus within the shelters. To avoid becoming a red-zone for the virus, some shelters have ended up closing down. This not only makes it harder for victims to seek help but does nothing to ensure the victims’ safety within the shelter.
This pandemic is something many people are actively fighting on a daily basis. However, the COVID-19 virus isn’t the only one to blame for this surge in domestic violence. The misogyny, the patriarchy, the inequality were things that were always there. It’s just that now, they have been brought to the surface of our world. This is a call for our future. In order to prevent domestic violence, the solution isn’t to ensure that a pandemic never occurs (although that would be nice). The solution is in our own homes, in our own hands. Is there a woman in your life who has sacrificed her dreams for her family? Thank her. Are there women in your workplace raising valid concerns about their pay? Listen to her. Are you seeing a woman being sexualized without consent? Stand up for her. Treat the women in your life with as much respect as you would the men. Start with you, and you have already taken a step towards a safer future.
-Written by Shreya Arukil, Edited by Sreya Kalapala
